Maid cafes

I've been meaning to get down to a maid cafe here for months now for the food of course. For a year or so now they've been all the rage with the young folk...cafes where cute chicks dress up in french maid outfits and pretend to like you as they serve you drinks.

It seems though that my time is running out as the mayor of Tokyo has come up with a completely new and utterly devious ploy to win votes. Following the advice of zillion dollar think tanks he has decided to attack crime.

His brilliant ploy to cut murders, theft, and save the kids from drugs is to ban French maids from handing out pamphlets on street corners. Prepare yourselves to watch the crime rate plummet.

I should add these photos come from google images as...well...I haven't been up to one of these places yet.

Holidays

Spent last week on a small island called Yakushima about a thousand kilometres or so from Tokyo.

You think of Japan as being a pretty small place but that's just something the locals rote learn at school to repeat to the tourists. It's actually an archipeligo that stretches a few thousand kilometres in length. So it took a few flights and a couple of hours to get down there.

Surprisingly Japan has the highest proportion of forests as a percentage of land area out of all the developed countries. And in JapanYakushima is famed for its forests which reputedly contain trees over seven thousand years old. It also gets a ridiculous ten metres of rainfall a year. Here's a shot of she who must be obeyed crossing a rope bridge through an old forest in the rain....sucking in the nature.

The same cannot be said of Japan's beaches. I've seen figures stating that 80% of Japan's coast line is concreted. They have a fetish of fantastic proportions for the stuff. Every time we jumped in the car we saw concrete mixers racing off to fix nature, repair broken beaches, and crooked coastlines.

The old girl and Lani breathe easy in this shot cause the coastline behind them which had fallen into a state of complete disrepair had been repaired.



We found a lovely little set of hot pools on the coast. This old homeless looking guy with fungus all over his toe nails comes down as I'm getting in and tells me to take my kit off before I get in.


He then, to my complete exasperation, drops his gear and bends over easing himself into the pool and in the process reveals to all a pair of much too low ruby red dog's balls swaying in the gentle noreaster. He plonks 'imself down dog's balls, arse and all. And to top it all off he goes on to give me a lesson on personal hygiene...showing me how to clean myself. Anyway the following day we went there again but as you can see a typhoon swell was affecting the pools somewhat. At least it cleaned out the bits and pieces from his fungus and dog balls.





The hotel we stayed in was lovely...this was the view from the window...better than dog's balls in a noreaster anyway you look at it. It was a really nice hotel.

The Big Pick

How often do you come across people on the train who you think should be confined to a nut house? Sometimes you begin to wonder whether they've shut down the nut houses here and given them all free train tickets.

Here are a few of the more bizarre stories.




Filmed by a friend on the way to work who sees the same guy every morning. How good is the other guy at pretending he doesn't notice?

This guy spots me on the train at the other end of the carriage. He makes a bee line for me, stops inches from my face. I think he's going to absolutely flatten me. Then with all the conviction and emotion of an opera singer he belts out the ABC song inches from my nose. The wierdest thing was I'm in the middle of the carriage looking around at 20 or so other people and no one batters an eyelid. no one looks at me....as if this sort of thing was normal for god's sake. speechless.

This guy playing airdrums with full sound effects out really loud all the way from Shibuya to our station....10 or so minutes. Again no one shows any astonishment. No one even damn well looks.

A lady sits down next to a friend from work. Pulls a pencil out of her hand bag, then a box cutting knife and proceeds to violently sharpen the pencil. Shavings flying all over the place.

I'm going down some escalators into the subway here. I notice a woman looking over my shoulder. I turn around and see a the long black hair and the uniform of a school girl. I look at the face and I'm greeted by a toothless grin of 60 year old man....in the school girl's uniform.

A friend has been out for an all nighter and is waiting on a platform in Tokyo at about 5am. This homeless guy appraoches him and out of a plastic bag pulls a massive dildo. He must have found it in the rubbish somewhere. Then with a face splitting smile on his dial he pops the thing in his mouth and starts sucking on it.

I'm on the train and at the next station on gets this old guy who is holding and caressing a teddy like it's a new born baby. They are dressed in matching outfits. No one looks.

A guy running up and down the carriage hopping about with arms flailing all over the shop...pretending he's a monkey...with full sound effects. Not even one sideways look of curiousity from his audience.

It's not so much the nuts that are the shock it's more the fact that I'm the only one surprised by this behaviour. Experiencing such insanity and apparently it's so normal it's not worth a turn of the head for the other 20 people in the carriage. Gets you thinking if everyone thinks this is normal who's really lost their marbles. Me. It's a surreal situation.

Engrish

These are all things my students have said in class...explanations in blue.

I was fishing then I shouted out "I got arse"...I got earth....a snag.
Did you get up this morning?...what time...I thought the student was having a go at me.
Teacher: Good morning, how are you?
Student; who happens to be an economics professor: I've have already passed one lesson so my brain has been sufficiently stimulated.
I hate sex...insects
Teacher: May I help you?...this was a shopping role play.
Student: Yes I'm looking for my husband's pants....pants for my husband.
Discussion question: have you ever hurt yourself badly?
Student: I've got a urethra.
What does your wife look like?
She has long hair on her back side....at the back.
What does your wife look like? My wife has a brown eye...
Do you feel like chinese (food). Do you like feeling Chinese?
Student asks me...Am I dressed? (overdressed)
I am much more vigorous than you. I have much more big arse than you.
At the end of the lesson...I'll clean the white board myself...I'll clean myself.
Student apologising for almost being late....Sorry I almost got laid.
Milt was just a character's name in the book. Student is puzzled and in all serious asks me...What's the meaning of Milt...according to my dictionary "Milt" means fish sperm.
Talking about the student's wife's cooking ...mmmm my wife tastes nice. .
Student walks in on crutches....was laid up for ten days..I got laid for ten days.
Trying to describe kiwi fruit....ummmm it looks like hairy balls.
What do you do when you're sick?If I get sick I touch my boss...get in touch with....

How can anyone maintain a facade of sanity when you are bombarded with the likes of this everyday I ask you?