Engrish

These are all things my students have said in class...explanations in blue.

I was fishing then I shouted out "I got arse"...I got earth....a snag.
Did you get up this morning?...what time...I thought the student was having a go at me.
Teacher: Good morning, how are you?
Student; who happens to be an economics professor: I've have already passed one lesson so my brain has been sufficiently stimulated.
I hate sex...insects
Teacher: May I help you?...this was a shopping role play.
Student: Yes I'm looking for my husband's pants....pants for my husband.
Discussion question: have you ever hurt yourself badly?
Student: I've got a urethra.
What does your wife look like?
She has long hair on her back side....at the back.
What does your wife look like? My wife has a brown eye...
Do you feel like chinese (food). Do you like feeling Chinese?
Student asks me...Am I dressed? (overdressed)
I am much more vigorous than you. I have much more big arse than you.
At the end of the lesson...I'll clean the white board myself...I'll clean myself.
Student apologising for almost being late....Sorry I almost got laid.
Milt was just a character's name in the book. Student is puzzled and in all serious asks me...What's the meaning of Milt...according to my dictionary "Milt" means fish sperm.
Talking about the student's wife's cooking ...mmmm my wife tastes nice. .
Student walks in on crutches....was laid up for ten days..I got laid for ten days.
Trying to describe kiwi fruit....ummmm it looks like hairy balls.
What do you do when you're sick?If I get sick I touch my boss...get in touch with....

How can anyone maintain a facade of sanity when you are bombarded with the likes of this everyday I ask you?