The mobile phone debacle

Today I was reminded of something mind blowingly frustrating that happened years ago. Thought I'd get a mobile here cause they are so cool ...you can watch tv on them, listen to music, they can double as remote controls if u can't find your tv control. Some phones can even... if you're in a noisy place and having trouble hearing what the joker on the other end is saying to you, if you hold them up to your head... make your skull vibrate at frequency X so that you can hear joker Y on the other end as clear as day. amazing.

So some time ago I thought it was time I got one. Went down to the local mobile shop. Upon entrance and having been bowed to and welcomed the appropriate amount of times I approached second sales assistant Sachiko and requested a new mobile phone. The sales lady in great deference proceeded with oh most honorable customer this earth worm of an establishment thanks you for granting it the favour of your custom and asks to see your respectable ID...They have this function in their language here which serves to lift others up and put yourself down or visa versa. Anyway I said certainly here's an internationally recognised document; my passport...earthworm. After taking it to the back of the shop and holding a veritable conference with her superiors she apologised that as international as it was they still don't accept it. I'm sure my eyeballs almost exploded with disbelief. She went on to request my "alien card"....which is a card all foreigners have to carry that proves to everyone, once and for all, that foreigners aren't Japanese.

I said it's at home I'll be back.

Got back an hour later. Second sales assistant Sachiko's superior took one look at it and said your names are in a different order on your passport and on your alien card....which one is your real name??? huh?! After a moment of stunned silence while the proverbial tumble weed passed through the room I stammered out a ..they're both my "real" names. The order's just different...and anyway my passport was no good wasn't it? huh? huh? Son of a pox mucked earthworm...I pointed out to him.. To which he said he'd have to call his boss in Nagoya to check which way to write my most respectable but misplaced name. With great deference I pointed out that he could just write my name any old goddam way and indicate the family name in bloody brackets for example. After a great show, for in Japanese there is no "no", of sighing and hissing and arrring ...i realised the game was lost and said I'd be back.

After a two hour lunch I went back and got my phone.

It was at least a month later, when I received the bill addressed to a certain "Stefanm Ark Freeman". That made my bloody blood boil.